Gossip Part I: English Reserve and Gossip as Social Lubricant
The English have an unhealthy obsession with celebrity (and, in their case, royal) gossip that shames even our American fascination with the private lives of Britney, LiLo and Sam, Katie and Tom, Madonna and ARod. TMZ, Page Six, and Perez pale in comparison with the British broadsheets that carry gossip as news — Paris Hilton is no Princess Di. At the same time, though, the English have an uncommon (in our brutish American eyes) preoccupation with politeness and reserve.
There’s a fascinating book called “Watching the English” by anthropologist Kate Fox, a book that in essence is an anthropology of Englishness for the lay reader. It’s a bestseller in England and highly entertaining to American readers who like to laugh at those different from them. (And don’t we all?) I encountered it yesterday while browsing for books, and it got me thinking about the social importance of gossip.
Fox highlights how reserved the English are: at a party, for instance, it’s considered highly inappropriate to go up to a stranger and introduce yourself — names are too intimate for a first encounter. Instead, one must drift into conversation and, at the end, say, “So sorry, I didn’t catch your name?” Indeed, talking about oneself or expecting to hear details about someone else is strictly out-of-bounds.
As a result, neutral “grooming-talk,” as Fox calls it (referencing monkeys that groom each other as a form of social interaction even when grooming is unnecessary), takes center stage in English social life. It’s why conversations about the weather are so central to English interaction; weather is an easy, uncontroversial, shared topic that allows for the kinship of agreement (“Yes, it is cold!”) and thus social lubrication.
Fox points to two possible explanations for the English national obsession with gossip that relate to the phenomenon of English reserve. First, she says that English reserve makes indulging in gossip illicitly thrilling. Second, she says that private information is highly valued because it is generally so scarce.
But, skimming through Fox’s book, I was surprised that she left out the most obvious reason why celebrity and royal gossip is so important to society. It’s not because English reserve makes it illicit or highly valued — it’s because English reserve keeps almost all other possible topics of conversation off the table.
Gossip serves the same purpose as weather talk. Unlike talking about one’s personal life (off limits) or, say, politics and world affairs (too contentious), mentioning the latest tidbit or scandal from the royal family will be familiar to everyone with whom you’re interacting and will let you reach an easy agreement: “Shocking, isn’t it?” “Indeed.”
Americans, too, need common cultural currency with which to interact, so we can start a conversation by saying, “Did you hear that Lindsay and Sam had a big fight on an Acela?” But, importantly, we have fewer problems with crossing social boundaries and engaging in possibly contentious conversation, so we’re just as likely to start a conversation with, “Did you see Sarah Palin on SNL?” even though that path will definitely lead to a political, possibly controversial place.
We’re also content to talk about ourselves. The other day, a cashier asked me what I did for a living. When I said I didn’t have a job, she asked how I paid the rent. Gauche for sure, but not out of the realm of American conversation you’ll encounter every day.
Just walking the streets of New York, my mother makes half-a-dozen new friends every day. This weekend she chatted with the girl behind the counter at the cupcake shop about how business is great but exhausting because she works seven days, well two days here and classes five days a week, yep she’s studying at Manhattan Marymount, etc., then she left the shop and stated chatting with a woman on the street about her beautiful flowers, but they’re heavy, and yes it is hard to find a cab at this hour…
Bottom line: in America, our penchant for celebrity gossip is kept in check because of our readiness to talk about anything from our personal lives to politics. We demand celebrity gossip stories from our news media, but we also demand more contentious news; and our demand for all news is checked by our primary fascination: ourselves.
But no matter the culture, celebrity gossip serves as an essential social lubricant. I can meet someone from across the country who shares none of my political, religious, or social views, but we can still talk about Madonna and ARod.
Tags: alex rodriguez, britney spears, celebrity gossip, england, englishness, grooming talk, kate fox, katie holmes, lindsay lohan, madonna, page six, paris hilton, perez hilton, princess diana, tmz, tom cruise, watching the english